In good company
Our greatest gift is to notice.
One of the life goals I use to navigate by is to seek and to be nutritious company. And I’ve just been away gorging myself. I recently spent two days at a conference in Wellington dedicated to the art and the heart of coaching. It proved to be a veritable banquet!
The sixty plus assembled coaches came from all over. Their easy conversation was sprinkled with the music of many accents yet they shared a common language. We all spoke strengths. All were members of the Strengths Network South Pacific (SNSP) and all were fundamentally dedicated to the elevation and flourishing of others.
Though I’m a network member myself, my intent here is not to ‘advertorialise’ for the SNSP, though I accept it may seem so. Rather, I’m seeking first to celebrate the good company I experienced and then to share what was exemplary about it. My outlook being; what gets noticed and encouraged in others is more likely to happen again and perhaps too, it will be emulated by others. I’ll end this blog with an invitation.
The group gave much material for admiration but I’ve chosen six attributes I saw repeated often;
Noticing the strength in others
There was a prevailing intent in the room to spot and appreciate the strengths in those around them. They were far less inclined to become distracted by an individual’s relative weaknesses – even though their trained eyes may well have sensed those too.
Attention and presence dialled up
Whether in conversation, syndicate exercises or plenary presentations, active listening happened. I saw people leaning forward in their seats, smiles said go on, occasionally, welled eyes would say “I feel it too”, little nods said “I hear you” eye contact and engaged posture said “I’m open to your thoughts”. Any questions tended to come in the natural pause, not interrupting anyone’s flow.
Courage abounded
People would allow themselves to go to vulnerable places; like admitting to doubt and personal struggles. Contributors had the confidence that they were safe, encircled by respect and good faith. The coaches understood that in order to be helpful to others, they must be prepared to seek and accept help for themselves. Coaches need coaches too.
Positive reflection used
The coaches understood that it takes the eyes of others to complete the best view of ourselves. So when feedback followed, it often came in the form of reinforcement and a positively reflected view of what they had seen.
Diversity enjoyed
Differences were not set aside, but instead put on pedestals for respectful appreciation. The assembled coaches had the confidence that their shared humanity was not imperilled by whole hearted individuality. Strong alone and stronger together.
Generosity and collaboration
Sharing was consistently generous, with no-one feeling the need to jealously guard their chips. The combined effect of all I saw underlined that personal growth is neither a contest or a zero sum game.
Inspired by all these fine examples on display, I came away pumped and buzzing, and still am.
My closing invitation goes to compounding benefits. If I promise you that I’ve already begun to employ and share the gains I made at the conference, would you be open to making a cash free, yet priceless coaching contribution of your own?
We need not all be qualified professional coaches to help others. Coaching has been around us all our lives, ever since some kind soul first taught our parents how to change our nappies!
My request is this; be open to being awed in the ordinary. Notice the good, the skill, the care in the everyday acts of others around you. Then tell them you saw it. Tell them what you liked about it and if you’re feeling really brave, tell them how watching some of what is good in them, made you feel (grateful, humble, encouraged, impressed etc). We know it works, so let’s be the ones who do it often.